


nepenthe

by mrpascals



Series: redamancy [3]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24065515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrpascals/pseuds/mrpascals
Summary: You find out the truth and you think it’s too much, but Din is always there for you. Him and the little one.
Relationships: Din Djarin/Reader, Din Djarin/You, The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Reader, The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/You
Series: redamancy [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705636
Comments: 5
Kudos: 98





	nepenthe

**Author's Note:**

> i SWEAR i wasn’t going to write more for this universe but like.... i love pain and i love being sad :)

**nepenthe (n)** something that can make you forget grief or suffering

Your heart clenches in your chest as you walk back to the Razor Crest. It’s been months since you had your last medical check up and now you wish you didn’t go. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes, but you hold them back. When you see the ship, parked on the town’s hangar, your stomach twists. You have no idea what you’re going to tell Din, he’ll be so disappointed. So upset. 

But you feel like a weight is lifted from your shoulders as you see him sitting on the ramp of the ship, playing with the Child. You sigh and smile a little at the vision. When he sees you, he lifts his helmet towards you, picking up the kid and standing.

“Did you find it?” He asks as you approach.

“Yeah,” Your voice cracks, you show him the cloth bag full of canned soup meant for the Child. It’s hard to find good food for him in the galaxy, he’s such a picky eater. Serenno is one of the only planets that have canned broth soup and you volunteered to go buy it, wanting to stop at the medical bay on your way. You’d have brought Din and the kid, but you wanted to do this alone. You’re not sure if you’re glad you did. “The market was crowded.”

“That’s why you took so long?” He watches you entering the ship.

He knows something is wrong when you don’t take the Child on your arms as you enter the Razor Crest, back turned to him as you hum an answer, placing the bag on a cabinet and heading straight to the cockpit. He doesn’t say a word as he closes the hatch and follows you, the kid looking up at him in confusion. Din just shrugs at him and climbs the ladder behind you.

You’re already sitting in the co-pilot’s seat, with the seatbelt on. He walks towards you and offers the kid, putting a hand on your shoulder as you take him.

“You okay?” He asks in a soft voice. You give him a small smile and nods at him, trying to act normal.

Din knows you. He knows when something is upsetting you, so you try to act normal just so you won’t worry him. At least until you think about how to tell him.

“Where to now?” You tried to sound excited, but even the Child could tell something is wrong.

He takes a moment to answer, typing the coordinates to your next location. The ship takes off smoothly as always. Sometimes you think he’s the best pilot in the whole galaxy.

“I’m thinking Corellia,” He says, pulling the levers to make the ship jump to hyperspace. “I need to get some new parts for the console.”

You let out a fake chuckle. “I keep telling you to trade this ship for another. This one is an old used tin can.”

Din turns his chair to face you, helmet tilted.

“She’s my baby,” He says, in fake offense. “I could never do that.”

You laugh at his joke with a smile that doesn’t quite matches your eyes. 

“Suit yourself,” You say looking away, the smile fading too fast from your lips. Sighing, you unbuckle the seatbelt and stand. “I’m going to feed him. Little guy must be hungry.”

The Child smiles at the word _feed_ and starts giggling. You press your lips on the top of his head as you climb down the ladder. Din watches you go with a weird feeling in his stomach. Something is wrong and you don’t want to tell him.

He knows you long enough to know you always need some time to process emotions. Whether is anger, or sadness, or any other emotion. Whenever you two argue, you always need some time to think, time to breathe before you speak. He respects that, even though sometimes is annoying. Even when he wants an immediate answer from you. He knows you’re upset with something, but he’ll give you time to mourn whatever it is, even if goes against his own feelings. He’d do it for you. 

He’d do anything for you.

Din’s mind goes back to the first time he realized that. It had been only a month or two after you joined him as a business partner. Deal was you’d share the profits of bounty hunting in half, no exceptions. There was this one particular day, that he saved your life and risked the profit by killing the quarry they were hunting.

The quarry had his hand on your neck, a blaster on your temple; the plan didn’t go as expected, you were supposed to lure him out of the cantina he was in and Din would surprise him, taking him in. It was a simple plan you had come up, not wanting to make a scene in the cantina. But the man was smart. He quickly realized the plan and took control over you, which was surprising considering you’re an excellent fighter.

But Din was faster, quickly turning the tables and shooting at the quarry, killing him on spot. It wasn’t the first time it happened, but the client did want him alive, so they didn’t get the credits they were promised. Later that day, you asked him, in a shy voice. He’d never forget the way your soft voice made his heart skip a beat.

“Why did you kill him?” Was the question. “We lost all the profit.”

“He was going to kill you,” He replied without turning to look at you.

“I can handle myself.” You crossed your arms, frowning in anger. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He turned his chair to face you and answered in a beat.

“I’d do anything for you.”

You had softened your look and blushed, back then. A beat of silence passed and you tore your gaze away from him, hiding a smile.

Din smiles underneath the helmet, remembering how flustered you were when heard his little confession. Sighing, he stands up from the pilot’s seat heading to the hull, where you and Child are. He sees you as you wash the small pot in the refresher’s sink, indicating you already fed the kid. The little one was sitting on the floor of the hull, drawing on a sheet of paper you’ve given him to distract himself as you cleaned up.

You don’t look as he comes down, too afraid you’re going to break in front of him. He resists the urge to ask you if you’re okay and interacts with the Child instead.

“Is that you?” He asks in a soft voice, lowering down to the floor. The kid looks up and waves the green crayon to his dad, babbling and laughing. Din lets out a soft laugh, looking at the kid as he resumes his drawing.

You look at the scene, Din sitting, legs crossed in front of the kid, helping him to draw something on a new sheet of paper. Tears fill your eyes, blurring your vision and you try to take a deep breath, holding them back.

“I’m going to rest,” You tell him, already heading to the cockpit. “Can you put him in bed?”

“Sure,” He glances at you as you climb the ladder and then looks back at the Child who has his ears flopped down. He knows you’re upset, he can sense it too.

Sighing, Din continues to play with the kid for a while, knowing you need some time to yourself.

…

You wake up slowly, feeling arms around you warming your body. You don’t know for how long you’ve slept, the crying in secret wearing you out after you told Din you wanted to rest. Maybe you’re already in Corellia, you assume because Din is sleeping beside you. He never slept while the ship is in hyperspace, not ever since that one time that bounty hunter took you all by surprise and he had to make an emergency stop in Tatooine.

Feeling your throat dry, you swallow as you carefully leave the bed, making sure he doesn’t wake up with your movements. You step into the cockpit to check on the Child who is sleeping peacefully in his cradle. The darkness of the place confirms your theory: you _are_ in Corellia, but it’s night and it seems that Din parked the ship in the hangar of one the cities. 

Climbing down the ladder to the hull, you head to the water tank and fill a cup. The water is cold and it calms you down for a bit. Once you’re done, you intend to get back to the quarters but something catches your eye before you reach the ladder. The crayons and colored pencils are scattered on the floor, the sheets of paper with drawings are all over the place.

Of course. Din never cleans up after his mess. Sometimes you wonder how he survived all that time without you. You sigh, crouching to pick up the art supplies, but stop your movements once you see a particular drawing.

It’s a family drawing, much more like the one the kid did on the wall several months ago, but this time there are several red hearts, clearly made by Din, and his handwriting above the drawn family.

_We_ ❤️ _you, Mommy_ , said the note.

Then, you break down. All the pain you’ve been holding in comes out in sobs and gasps. Tears stream down your face as you kneel down, clutching the sheet of paper to your chest. Knowing you’re alone now, you don’t have to swallow your tears anymore, but you try to be as silent as possible as you cry. The last thing you want is the Child or Din waking up to your sobs.

Almost as he could read your mind, you hear Din’s voice echo in the hull.

“Why are you awake?” He asks, and you jump, wiping your tears away quickly and glancing over your shoulder.

“I– I– I was just cleaning u-up.” You stutter, between sobs, trying to gather as much as the art material in your hands, and you hear him approaching you, his bare feet touching the cold floor. “You– You never c-clean up after–”

You can’t complete your sentence because Din is suddenly, kneeling on the floor, holding you in his arms and you start crying again, burying your face on his chest. He lets you cry on his chest for a moment, knowing you need this. Knowing you’ve been holding it inside you and knowing you need his comfort.

“Tell me what’s wrong, _Mesh’la_ ,” He begs you, his lips on the top of your head. You try to calm down, wiping the tears and swallowing hard looking at him. You think you must look like a mess, but being so many years together made you not care about it.

“I– I lied to you,” You manage to say, voice cracking. “The market wasn’t crowded–” You sob involuntarily and he wipes a tear on your cheek with thumb, encouraging you speak. “I went to the medical bay.”

Din’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, waiting for you to continue.

“I’m not pregnant.” Fresh tears stream down your face and you sob once more.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He pulls you to his chest again. “We’ll keep trying.”

“No, y-you don’t understand.” You look at him again. “Din, I _can’t_ have kids.”

Din’s heart sinks to his stomach and he feels tears on his eyes. He doesn’t know what broke his heart the most, the fact itself, or that you’ve been hiding it from him all this time.

“I’m sorry,” You whimper when he doesn’t speak. “The doctor said– He said– Din, we can’t have another baby and it’s my fault.” You start crying again.

“Hey.” He takes your face in his hands, brushing his thumbs on your cheeks. “Look at me.” He waits for you to look at his eyes. “None of this is your fault. Don’t _ever_ think I’m going to love you less because of this.”

Exhaling a breath, you try to look away but he gently moved your head towards him again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, looking into his eyes. “When you got back, why didn’t you tell me, sweetheart?”

Swallowing you shake your head. “I was– I didn’t know how–” You sigh. “I don’t know.”

Din looks at you, not sure how to feel. He’s not angry you hid from him, he’s sad you thought you were alone in this. He’s disappointed too, after all he also wanted another baby with you, but not at you. Never at you.

“There are other ways.” He offers a smile. You’re quiet for a moment, tears still running through your face, wetting his palms under his touch. “Please, don’t cry.”

You take a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm down. Din always has a way to calm you down and comfort you and you think, again, you don’t deserve him. He always proves you wrong.

“We can always adopt,” He suggests with a half grin on his face. “And there’s… Treatments for this kind of problem. I know of a planet where we could try.”

“We don’t have enough credits, Din.” Your voice is hoarse, tired from crying.

“We can save money.” He moves his hands to rest on your shoulders, once he sees you’re not crying anymore. “We can trade the ship. It’s worth a lot, even though it’s an used tin can.”

Your eyes widen at the thought. “You wouldn’t.”

“I’d do anything for you, _Cyar'ika_.”

Feeling your heart swell, you pull Din closer, hugging him tight. The smile now on your face is genuine as you cry tears of happiness.

“And if you change your mind.” He says, grabbing your shoulders and looking into your eyes again. “You’ll always have me and the little one.”

You nod, wiping the tears off from your cheeks. “I love you.”

“And we love you,” He says and as a cue the Child comes up from under his arm.

“How long were you here, baby?” You laugh as the kid babbles, smiling at you both. Din picks him up and the kid stretches his little arms at you; when you take him into your arms, he rests his head on your chest and you smile. 

“Hey.” His voice catches your attention.

You look up at him.

“It’s going to be okay,” He whispers, leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. He touches the side of your neck and rests his forehead on yours.

And you know it’s true.


End file.
